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February 16, 2005

Paranoia inside slander wrapped in innuendo

After years of right-wing guffaws at Hillary Clinton's insinuation that there's a "vast, right-wing conspiracy," David Horowitz steps out in his shiny j'accuse-boots to present a new online enemies list, Discover the Network:

This site is a "Guide to the Political Left." It identifies the individuals and organizations that make up the left and also the institutions that fund and sustain it; it maps the paths through which the left exerts its influence on the larger body politic; it defines the left's (often hidden) programmatic agendas and it provides an understanding of its history and ideas.

Of course, that doesn't just mean American liberal Democrats--this "network" includes Muslims, Terrorists, Feminists, and, of course, Entertainers! Because America (or at least the Republican Party) is threatened from all sides.

Threatened, for example, by known radical insurgents R.E.M.

After all, "Losing My Religion"--"the song that has endeared them more than any other to the leftwing elites of Hollywood and Manhattan"--is "an atheistic agitprop mantra encouraging young people to abandon their religious faith."

But Stipe and his comrades [! -pk] had found their substitute for religion in radical politics. In keeping with the Political Correctness of his adoring collegiate audience, Stipe became a booster for the radical organization Greenpeace and environmentalism, animal rights and the homeless.

Animal rights? Will R.E.M. stop at nothing?! Only if stopped. BUT DTN IS HERE. All methods are questioned, all motives condemned. No detail is so seemingly insignificant that it does not raise an eyebrow.

For the next two years R.E.M. collaborated with Warren Zevon under the fake band name Hindu Love Gods. [Emphasis mine. pk]

Hey, I bought the Hindu Love Gods album. That might've been a crappy band, but it wasn't a fake one--and if the band was real, then surely the name was.... Oh, but how can I be sure?

The linchpin of DTN's case? Do you need more than: singer Michael Stipe "also writes Haiku poetry, [and] is a vegan of bi-sexual preferences"? Then here it is: Peter Buck once visited Cuba--and "met with" Fidel Castro. (Who is also indexed by DTN--after all, he is a known leftist.)

Things get a little hinky here, since DTN must contort themselves to cite David Corn's criticism of the gullible musicians' visit, but since Corn is only mentioned in Katrina vanden Heuvel's bio, no one will ever know they were citing a liberal critic. And anyway the link to Corn's story is dead, and further details of the trip--did Buck arrange to be picked up by Castro's secret guard in a cigarette boat, or was he on a UN junket with Sting, Elton John, and Bishop Desmond Tutu?--are unavailable. Which is to say, troubling questions remain.

As DTN concludes: "Communists have a term for those like Peter Buck, Michael Stipe and R.E.M. – 'useful idiots.'"

Ah. Indeed. Except, if R.E.M. are Marxist agents, how come they charge so much for their concerts? Oh, right--liberal hypocrisy.

The full scale of the conspiracy--the liberal conspiracy, I mean--will be revealed in time, no doubt. For now, it's 905 names and counting--counting every single day, you can bet.

Here's the full list, alphabetical by last name, starting in the A's with a bunch of Ahmeds, Akbars, and al-Something-Somethings. Or this crazy-quilt of headshots by first name offers stunning juxtapositions: Mohammed Atta next to...MASH's beloved Mike Farrell! John Podesta next to...John Walker Lindh, "the American Taliban"! Noam Chomsky next to...Norman Mailer--oh, wait, I guess you'd pretty much expect that.

Regardless, they're all there: Walter Cronkite, Bruce Springsteen, Katie Couric (she "considers herself a feminist"--'nuff said!)....

It's nice to see Daniel Schorr was left off; as an alumnus of Nixon's list, he's earned his rest. But Josh Marshall must be chewing his knuckles. Don't worry, Josh--you'll make it next year! God willing, we all will.